I drove away in tears. I had to walk out of the house without saying goodbye to my 2 year old and 4 year old grandsons. I had held the newest grandson for only 40 minutes, on the night before, when he had come home from the hospital.  I had traveled from California to Utah to help my son’s family during this beautiful but stressful time of bringing a new baby home. My role was to cook, clean, take care of the two toddlers, so mom, baby and father had time to bond. Now all of that had been taken quickly away.

I packed my bags and quickly headed home. One family member I had interacted with while visiting in Utah had come down with symptoms of the Covid -19 virus, and gotten tested for Covid. On Wednesday, Nov. 4, the test results started coming back- all were positive. I had been exposed to Covid.  My heart dropped. 

Instead of helping my son and his family, I was fearful I had brought the dreaded Covid-19 virus into their home.  Not only was Janae, as a new mom, and her son, as a newborn, at increased risk of infection from the virus.  But their two year old son had a compromised auto-immune system.  Ashton had miraculously survived an overwhelming sepsis infection that started when he was only 5 days old. His immune system is still very vulnerable to infection and disease, two years later.  I was wrenched with worry and guilt.  Could I have brought this disease to them unwittingly?

I was heartbroken to leave without telling Aaron and Ashton goodbye. How would a 2 year old and 4 year old feel about having Oma (a German name for Grandma we use) leave so suddenly?  I didn’t want to expose them another moment longer. I had to go back to California. I had to get tested for Covid- 19, and quarantine for 14 days.

Over the next few days more family members tested positive for Covid.  Then extended family members tested positive for Covid.  Their ages ranged from mid sixties to 4 years old. Many of our family members had underlying conditions: chronic bronchitis, diabetes, multiple sclerosis. Fevers, fatigue, headaches, no sense of taste, breathing difficulties- all family members experienced different symptoms, from severe to mild.  Two family members went to the hospital. One was admitted and treated with plasma and the antiviral drug Remdesivir.  They released him after one night.  The hospital needed the bed for other patients.

Over the past few months, in the news, I heard Trump say the virus would “miraculously” disappear on election day.  I had many people tell me that too.  I didn’t understand it.  The pandemic was a once in a century phenomenon. It is a public health crisis.  The virus does not distinguish between Republican, Democrats or Independents in political persuasion.  It is a human issue, not a political issue.  The virus is not bound to our time, our political clock.  On Nov. 4, the day after the election, I was driving home, praying for my family members who were diagnosed and struggling with Covid.

I had seen this virus coming for a long time before it entered the US. I had a friend who returned to her home country of China in December 2019 for the Chinese New Year celebrations.  In mid January, 2020, she was in lock down with millions of other Chinese citizens, unable to return to the US.  Talking about the challenge of having a complete lock down with children and extended family was a dominant theme in our subsequent conversations.  All through January and into February she shared firsthand how she struggled to help her young son understand why he couldn’t go outside, or to help her parents understand the magnitude of the virus and how it could spread.  I knew, without a doubt, if the virus went global, we would be facing the same thing in the US.  It was just a matter of time.

I was in England in early February, visiting friends, colleges and doing family history research.  The corona virus was just emerging in Europe. I watched news reports from Italy. Health providers there were having to make life and death decisions. Which patients could they help with their limited number of respirators?  The 30 year mother with 3 children, or the 80 year old great grandfather?  What an impossible situation these health workers were put in.  Watching this from the UK news, I wondered, when Covid-19 came to the US, what decisions would our health providers be forced to make?  This was late February into early March.

My return trip to the United States was scheduled for March 9. By the first week of March there were reports of Covid in Washington.  A cruise ship off the coast in California had people on board who tested positive for Covid.  The virus had hit the shores of the United States.  I returned to California on March 10.  On March 13 President Trump declared a national emergency.  By March 19, California Governor Newsom issued orders to shut everything down in California, in an attempt to curb the outbreak.  ‘Flatten the curve” was the objective.

As I was making the unplanned trip back from Utah to California, I wondered. If I, as an ordinary citizen, could see it was just a matter of time before the corona virus hit our shores, why did our government not see it and act on it?  Why are we looking at thousands of US citizens sickened each day by this virus?  Why were we looking at thousands of people dying each day of this virus? To just ignore it, to say “it will go away on election day”, does not help anyone.  This is a global health issue. This demonstrates the need to have a global response. It is not an “America first” or “xxxx country” first response.  Now, more than ever, we need to work together for the common, HUMAN good.  Not assign blame and withhold funding from states, cities or international agencies. If I can understand this simple truth, why does our country, especially our President, not understand that?

When President Trump tested positive for Covid and was treated for it, I was hoping he would unite our country and lead in a covid-19 response.  That was too much to hope for. Instead he ripped off his mask as he entered the White House, and tweeted, “Don’t be afraid of Covid”, “Don’t let it dominate your life”.  Mr. President, that is hard to do when people you love are sick with Covid. When they have to go to the hospital, to be treated and released because the beds are needed for other patients.  Because people who believe in you, are refusing to wear masks and put others at risk. Because of the conspiracies you promote, people are trying to break into hospital ICU's.  This puts the health care providers, those at the front line, fighting this virus, and their patients, at risk. (If I had needed medical care, this is the hospital I would have likely been admitted to.)  This is not putting America first. It is put one's self first. It is irresponsible, selfish, and dangerous.

I was in quarantine for seven days, not knowing if I had covid-19 or not. I had not shown any signs of the virus, yet. I knew it could take up to 14 days to manifest.  I waited for the covid-19 test results to come back. Five days after I took the test, the results were in.  I was negative.  Never before had I felt such relief.  I had not exposed my new grandson to this deadly virus, at less than a week old. I had not exposed his mother or siblings to it, when they had already compromised immune systems.  I could now emerge from quarantine. But I can’t go back to Utah to help my son and family.  The outbreaks are too great in all the states around me.  My daughter told me it was safer to stay in California.

Yesterday was my first day out of quarantine. This morning I listened to Anderson Cooper's Friday (Nov. 13) comments, “What Really Matters”. He talked about the pandemic, and how our response, our responsibilities as individuals, as business leaders, as a community, and as a nation, matter.  I agree, what we do, right now, matters. I knew, driving back from Utah (the day after the election) that Covid-19 was not suddenly gone. It was staring me in the face, as it was thousands of other people.  That is what matters.

Tonight, to hear a government official advocating for people to rise up against measures designed to help save lives, save people, in the state of Michigan, makes me shake my head in disbelief and despair.  Atlas doesn't understand what matters. He doesn't understand what can bring a community, a state, or our country together again.

I may not be able to help my family in person right now.  But, I can lift my voice and add to the chorus of others about what matters. Covid-19 is deadly. It is not something to be trifled with.  As the holidays approach, please be cautious.  Don’t let your vigilance down because of pandemic fatigue. We are truly in this together.  Wearing masks, washing hands, maintaining social distance can help keep you and those you love safe.  It did for me.  It can help you too.  Wearing a mask is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.  It matters.  It is my prayer you and your family will have a joyful and safe holiday. All signs indicate we are in this for a longer duration- possibly into 2022.  Let’s make this work together.  Follow the CDC guidelines.  You never know who it may save.  What you do matters.